While I scroll through social media, I’m often coming across videos or infographics about motherhood because, well, I’m a mom who is always researching things (that’s my postpartum anxiety peeking out). Oftentimes, they’re about the biological impact of having a baby or tips to help manage motherhood. They often make me reflect on my own transition and the things no one told me. Some of the things that I have learned after being a mom are silly, some are serious. But at the end of it all – they were all learned in some way!
My bodily autonomy goes out the window.
Not only do I have to carry my babies for 9 (cough, 10) months, but choosing to breastfeed extends that loss of bodily autonomy. But even if I don’t breastfeed, I still get climbed on like a play gym! I was doing the math the other day – between my first pregnancy and now, my body hasn’t been my own since March 2020, since I was pregnant and breastfed my daughter for 2.5 years, then stopped while I was pregnant with my son and now am breastfeeding him… *cue head exploding emoji*
Food is never my own anymore.
“Oh mom, that looks yummy.” Said to me anytime I grab food or drink for myself. Yes, I could do the old “it’s spicy” trick, but I don’t want to discourage my daughter from trying new foods. So I give up my food or drink to be shared with her. And when I say shared, I mean, she eats the majority of it and gives me a few bites and sips throughout.
I crave snuggles with my littles.
While I wish I could have 5 minutes without someone touching me, I also crave snuggles with my kids after an hour of them being gone. Literally feel like I’m having withdrawals when I don’t get to snuggle with my babies. What has being a mom done to me!?
It’s amazing how little sleep you can function on.
I have always been someone that needs a lot of sleep and am NOT a morning person. However, I have been shocked at how little sleep a person can function on after having kids. The days that I’ve gone to work with less than 2 hours of sleep and managed my day. It’s wild. Or after giving birth, I will never forget that feeling of exhaustion where your body is getting used to waking up to feed a new baby plus after going through several hours (or sometimes DAYS) of labor. Just, wow.
Mom friends (or friends that understand) are the best friends.
While being a mom, it is so important to find friends that understand that your kids take importance over everything, you’re always running late, and you’ll have to reschedule more often than not due to sniffles. The number of times that I’ve messaged my play date friends with “we’re running late” is more often than not. And to the friends that don’t have children, but understand – thank you!
I have no privacy about my body.
Before I got pregnant, I was a very private person. Don’t walk into the bathroom while I’m using it, I won’t talk about bodily functions with you, just no. In fact, one of my biggest concerns going into labor was how exposed I was going to feel while giving birth. Looking back now, I recognize that the staff literally do not care – it’s their job. But I wasn’t used to that! After having two kids and their breastfeeding journeys, I have no privacy about my body. It doesn’t phase me at all to breastfeed in public, going to the doctor for check-ups, or to talk about body issues with my husband. Being a mom just does that to you. Plus you always hear “you’ll never get to go to the bathroom by yourself again” and sheesh, is that true!
The pressure I feel to be perfect.
The amount of pressure to always be my best is insurmountable. Everyone has opinions about what you’re doing right and wrong as a parent. You want everyone to think that you are an amazing parent, especially if you are a working parent on top of that too. There is just so much pressure being a mom that it’s honestly one of the worst parts of parenting to me.
Feel this? Here’s a post with tons of parenting affirmations to remind yourself that You Are Doing Amazing!!
People always feel they parent the best.
Continuing from the pressure to feel perfect – everyone will have the methods and theories that they used when they were parenting. So if someone suggests advice – I’ve learned to just smile and say thank you. Just because I acknowledge their advice doesn’t mean I have to take it!
Parenting is the most draining and fulfilling thing I’ve ever done.
Being a mom is life changing. It is so draining, mentally and physically. But on the other hand, it is also so incredibly fulfilling. Taking care of this little human and once they can see you, smile at you, hug you, tell you they love you – ugh, just melt my heart.
Who said I’m qualified to take care of a whole-ass human?!
The night we went home from the hospital, my husband and I looked at each other and just said “I can’t believe we’re in charge of a human now.” All of a sudden, we’re in charge of making this tiny human a responsible adult that will contribute positively to society. Who said I was qualified to do that?
The intrusive thoughts are WILD.
Everyone gets intrusive thoughts, but with my postpartum anxiety, my intrusive thoughts can be so intense sometimes. The first time I took my daughter to a Major League baseball game, the whole night I just worried about what to do if a bomb exploded. What? Or the number of times I wonder what would happen if I dropped my baby down the stairs. Just ridiculous things that cause anxiety for no reason.
I can do hard things.
Being a mom has proven that I can do hard things. I can go through pregnancy, give birth, and take care of humans, while also taking care of myself. All of these things are hard. And then to continue to do it every day, no matter what.
I can love my kids so much and get so frustrated with them too.
It’s amazing how someone I love so much can also make me so angry at times as well. The fluctuation of emotions that a mom goes through with their kids is very draining. But I remind myself that it’s okay to be frustrated with them – just because I’m angry doesn’t mean that I don’t love them.
Alone time is invaluable.
Being a mom means you rarely get alone time. So when you get it – drives to work, appointments, or any other alone situation – soak it up!
You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Self care is so important as a mom. You can’t take care of your kids and your family if you are running on fumes yourself. So taking the time to care for yourself is really actually helping your family as much as yourself.
Toddlers and logic don’t connect, especially during tantrums.
I’m a fixer, so when someone is upset with a problem, I want to fix it and explain what is going on. With toddler tantrums, that’s a big no. Just don’t do that lol.
My heart is literally walking outside my body.
The other day, I was tucking my daughter in for bed and I told her that I was sorry that she skinned her knee that day. She asked me why I was sorry and I told her I just felt bad that she was hurting. She looked at me and said “sometimes I just get hurt.” I explained that that was true and it was bound to happen, but as her mom, it hurt me when she got hurt because I just love her so much. That’s motherhood – my heart is walking outside my body every day with my kids. Everywhere they go, I’m sending my love to them. They hurt, I hurt. They’re sad, I’m sad. It’s amazing how being a mom has changed the things that are important to me. My kids will always come first, no matter what.
