Parenting during the Pandemic

When schools closed on March 13, 2020, I never expected the pandemic to go on forever. But here we are, nearly two years later, still trudging through.

A month into the closure, on April 13th, 2020, I got my positive pregnancy test {insert joke here about how we spent our time during quarantine}. Fast forward to December 28th, 2020, being admitted to the hospital and giving birth the next day. Having a negative COVID test with my admittance and my husband wearing a mask when the medical staff were in the room with us. With only being allowed my husband and 1 other support person – my doula – allowed into the hospital. Then December 29th, 2021, my daughter turns one and I can count the number of times she’s been into a store on two hands. We’re still waiting for a vaccine for those under 5. 

It is so hard to explain what it’s been like to go through this transformation in a strange and scary time, but it’s important to reflect on parenting during the pandemic and let it out. Let’s do it together – maybe you can connect with my feelings or not. Either way, thanks for being here as I reflect and be vulnerable. 

Lonely

When you become a mom, you always picture this “mom village” that is there to help you, whether it be someone who can sympathize with you, someone to set up play dates at the park, or even taking the baby so you can nap. But when there’s a pandemic, it seems like everyone steers clear of you unless you say “I need help.” That requires you to ask for the help though. You have to debate on whether going to the park or mom play date group is best for your family’s health. You’re limited to where you can let your child explore, and during the winter, you feel trapped inside your house, isolated from the world. Overall, you feel this huge cloud of loneliness and feel alone in this difficult transition. 

Anger

Oh my, the anger at the world can be so overwhelming. How hard is it to just get it together? (Obviously really hard, cause it’s still going on.) I get so angry at people who don’t take it seriously, who put others at risk, and simply are not doing their part to stop the spread. Don’t they know I’m waiting and ready to let my daughter explore the world when it’s safe? But the longer I have to wait, the angrier I get. The pandemic has shown me that people do not think about others. When I get into fights on Facebook – a rare occurrence, I swear – I will mention “what about my 1-year old daughter? She can’t mask or get vaccinated. How is she being protected when you refuse to mask up or get vaccinated?” The response: “Oh, I never thought of that.” Well… start thinking about it. 

Guilt

Then there is this guilt cloud that rolls over you on the difficult days. The days when your child didn’t get to see their grandparents because they went to the store. Or when you see other parents not taking it as seriously as you, so they went to the museum and had so much fun! (Then test positive a few days later.) The guilt that my daughter isn’t getting to experience life how I want her to. Why did I get pregnant during a pandemic? Should I have waited to try?  What will her life look like in another year from now? I’m sorry that people don’t recognize that you are so vulnerable honey. But I’ll be your voice, always. 

Scared

You don’t know what the future holds. When do we ever know really? But now it seems extra daunting. When will the end of this pandemic come? When can my daughter get the vaccine? What happens if we are exposed, or worse, test positive? Yes, most children are hardly affected. Most. What if we’re part of that small percentage?  And then when your child gets a little cough, and you panic, thinking somehow she got COVID. But how? You haven’t gone anywhere! And you sob because you’re scared. You’re scared of all the what ifs and the unknowns. 

Pride

Becoming a parent is no small undertaking. And doing that during a pandemic too! I did the damn thing. This small human being is alive and thriving. I have managed to overcome the emotional, mental, and physical barriers that came with becoming a mother AND living through a pandemic. I want a gold star please. 

There’s a lot of conflicting emotions as I reflect on parenting during the pandemic. Honestly, little positive, mostly negative. Everyday is hard. Everyday there are new challenges to overcome.

How you can help:

Let’s be realistic, you cannot remove these feelings for parents. But there are some things you can do to help us feel seen and heard. 

1. Check on your parent friends. Call or text and just ask how they’re doing. We might say “Oh, we’re good here” (that’s my go-to answer), but knowing you are there helps so much. Who knows? I may word vomit my feelings to you if it’s a rough day. Please just listen. 
2. Wear your mask. And wear it right. Mouth AND nose people. At all times you’re interacting with people. Stop the spread!
3. Get vaccinated. Especially because my daughter can’t. Anyone under 5 right now, can’t. So do it.