When my husband and I got married 5 years ago, everyone shared their advice for a good marriage. It can be overwhelming and, as someone with divorced parents, felt like there was a lot of pressure to “get it right.” After these five years together, there are pieces of marriage advice that I have found really ring true for us, so I want to share for other folks to add in to their marriage advice skill set!
1. Don’t make roommate issues marriage issues.
When I first heard this, I was blown away. If it’s something that you could argue with a roommate, then it’s a problem. Sit down, communicate the housekeeping expectations on both sides, then move on.
In our house, my husband actually takes on the bulk of the chores – dishes, laundry, cooking. I take care of the kids, and because he has taken on extra responsibilities at school for more money, I often do it on my own. I chip in on dishes and cooking when I can or need to. What I am in charge of is organizing things around the house and general cleaning. I also organize the finances for us as well. So while I don’t do the stereotypical wife duties, we have a decent balance of the house duties.
2. If you can’t argue for your partner’s side in an argument, you aren’t listening well enough.
Arguments are bound to happen. Listening to each other is always important, but if you aren’t listening during an argument, nothing will change. So make sure you listen and pay attention!
3. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
I love this quote because I can reflect on my own life and how I’ve changed over these past 5 years. My husband has loved all my different phases – good and bad. When I was a young and stressed out teacher. Being pregnant. A brand new mom. A coach. A teacher in a different subject. A pregnant mom with a toddler. A mom of two. A teacher with too much on their plate. Through it all, he’s been there and helped with it all.
4. Marriage isn’t a noun; it’s a verb.
You don’t just have a marriage, you work for it. You make the choice everyday to do what’s best for your marriage and your relationship.
5. Never stop dating.
This piece of marriage advice goes along with number four. Plan dates, even when it’s little. Do something after the kids fall asleep, get a sitter, do fun things as a family that you both have wanted to do. While it might be harder to consider that a date, it’s definitely quality time together and with the family.
6. Work together to find a solution.
When you come across an issue, work together to resolve it. You’re not fighting against each other, you’re fighting for each other.
7. Appreciate the small things.
Appreciate what you have. My husband does lots of little things for me that I appreciate tons – making my coffee, checking in on me throughout the day, giving me a hug when I’m having a bad day. All those little things add up and I make sure to appreciate them.
8. Choose to love each other, even on the days you don’t like each other.
It’s bound to happen – having a day where you’re just grumpy at your partner. Everything they do just irritates the crap out of you and “omg, please stop breathing so loudly.” But what matters is that at the end of the day, you still chose to love this person, even when they irritated you to the extreme. You still want to do life with them.
